just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
