She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
