You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
