walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
