Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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