2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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