dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
