I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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