You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
