sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize