Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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