Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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