Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
