and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
