well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize