when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
