how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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