i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
