I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
