i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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