ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
