this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize