HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
