i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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