if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize