Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
