im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
