dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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