I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
