i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
