Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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