if i can run in heels then i can drive
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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