And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
