Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
