I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
