Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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