I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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