I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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