rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
