Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Panties = found
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
