U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
