so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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