Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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