I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
