i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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