these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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