the new term for farting is butt boxing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
