I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
