boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
