i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
