grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
