I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
