I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
no you cant smoke seaweed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
BRING THE BAGELS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
