My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
