the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
