cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
