Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
