what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
