So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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