I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
