Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
