Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
