walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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