At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will be naked everywhere
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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