nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
