Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
