she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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