Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
