I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
