Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
